Saturday, 16 June 2018

Heartbreak and Happiness

When your heart gets broken you feel like you’re the only person on the planet to have ever been hurt and no matter how many times you get told “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” or “he(/she) was punching anyway” it doesn’t make you feel the slightest bit better. In fact, nothing does. It’s fucking shit.

Love, to me, is a living, breathing paradox. How can something be that powerful and have the ability to make you feel like you’re on top of the world or that the world is on top of you? Sometimes I sit and think that love is real. It comes in all different forms. That it’s the best thing out there. How can love not be real when you see the way couples look at one another when they think no one is watching? Or the fact that elderly couple have been together for 60 years? How can it not be real when you feel spark, the butterflies and that crazy sexual attraction? And then I think but how can love be real? How can love be real when it ends in heartbreak? How can it be real when it leads to arguments, lying, cheating, breaking up? But then again, maybe that’s just the cynical bitch creeping out in me trying to protect her heart.

I’ve only ever been in two long term relationships. Gone on a handful of dates inbetween here and there but nothing too serious. The heartbreak of the first relationship hurt like hell but nothing compared to the second. Fuck. Is it normal to feel like your heart is quite literally being ripped out of your chest, thrown onto the ground and trampled all over? Some people might shy away from their feelings and how they truly feel about a situation but I’m an open book and sometimes honest to a fault. I have nothing to hide and quite frankly would rather be brutely honest than ever down play my feelings.

I decided to end my second relationship after months and months (and months) of being treated like shit. I lost count the amount of times I went back and forth even after being cheated on but it gets to the point when you can’t take anymore and enough is enough. It was scary at first. You spend such an immense amount of time with someone knowing every little thing about each other and then one day it’s all over. You’re strangers once more. Blocked numbers and Facebook pages never to be contacted again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, it’s just funny how things turn out.

Im not sat here slating my ex but once the relationship was over for good although it hurt I almost felt a relief. The weight that was on my shoulders has been getting lighter and lighter as time has gone on and I finally feel like I can truly be myself again. It might sound cliche but I felt lost before. I had lost my identity, who I was, what I stood for, what I liked and disliked, I was fucking miserable. It was all catered to please another person but now I can just be me. The loving-life, fiery, no-fucks-given Elle has returned and I fucking love it. I feel I’ve achieved so much already and I’ve honestly never been happier. I stopped myself from doing so much all during that relationship because I was scared of letting go and now I’m making up for lost time. 

I got rid of everyone else who was toxic in my life, I’m going out when I want, where I want, with who I want, I got my first tattoo (second pending - sorry not sorry if you’re reading this Dad), I’m wearing whatever the fuck I want, booked my first festival, set up my own business, I got a new job and major promotion amongst other things but most importantly I’m being unapologetically me. I’ve regained my lost confidence and self esteem and never have I since A) apologised for anything that didn’t need an apology and B) apologised for something that wasn’t my fucking fault in the first place.

I guess what I’m trying to get across here is that love is an incredible feeling and I don’t think you should ever shy away from it but when it’s the wrong kind of love and you have to change your behaviour and not be your true self, don’t stick around. Walk away. Straight away. It’s not worth the headache (or the heartbreak). I used to wish I walked away at the beginning (and quite frankly so do the girls) but then again, if I did that, I wouldn’t be the strong person I am today. I wouldn’t have learnt everything about love, life and myself that I have. I wouldn’t understand what I want from a person, from a relationship. I wouldn’t know my flaws and how to improve on them. I wouldn’t know what I can bring to the table and I wouldn’t know what I would never change nor give up for anyone. Love is either a blessing or a lesson but if you know how to pick yourself up, learn from the lesson by improving on yourself and move on with your life - then every lesson is also a blessing. And trust me when I say, when the time is right and you’re ready to date again (casual or serious - who cares), you’ll meet a guy who proves not all them are absolute assholes.

 Don’t ever let a relationship be the end of who you are as a person and don’t let heartbreak rule your life. Get up, get on with it, cry if you must but don’t ever ever let your happiness be in the hands of another person. 

Until next time...

Elle x


Tuesday, 29 May 2018

My Body | My Rules

If you follow me on Instagram then you would have seen my post on Sunday evening about what had happened to me over the weekend with regards to two different men, on two separate occasions touching me, grabbing me and shouting abuse at me. But first, let’s rewind a bit...

From the moment you step into that secondary school uniform you, as a female, become a sexual object for almost all men you encounter. I say object because that’s how, in my opinion, we are viewed. Merely an object for the male eyes to gaze at, often a little to long and one too many placing hands where they don’t belong.

I could honestly write a novel on the shit I’ve gone through, put up with and experienced in my 22 years of life. And it’s ironic isn’t it? It’s the dads, grandads, brothers, husbands and boyfriends who throw fists and launch into a tirade when their precious offspring or significant others get unwanted attention - verbal and/or physical - off other men yet it’s the men with wedding bands, the men with balding patches, receding hairlines and grey strands, the men who swear they’ll protect you like they protect their sisters, the men who’s girlfriends don’t have to know... it’s them. It’s them who force themselves upon you like you’re fresh meat ready for them to stick their teeth into.

The story would go on forever if I told you about every time I said ‘no’ for it to fall on deaf ears. If I told you about every time I said ‘I’m not interested’ for me to get told ‘just give me a chance’. If I told you about every time I said ‘please don’t touch me’ to in return get a grip that only became tighter. If I told you about the times I had to leave the venue. If I told you about the times I believed those who said would protect me only to turn around and do the same. If I told you about every time, the story would go on forever.

Some people might read this and take it the wrong way. They will see me as some angry feminist bitch that it’s all for women and women only and that men could do no right in a world full of wrongs. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s sad I have to even explain this but the fact of the matter is, there’s a huge difference in approaching a woman (without touching her inappropriately) to compliment her, chat her up, ask for her number... you get the drift, to then lingering around when she’s asked you to leave, to placing hands where they don’t belong, to spitting out abuse because you didn’t get the answer you thought you deserved.

Honestly, it’s a fucking joke.

So, back to this weekend. The second incident was the worse of the two and made my fucking blood boil. I had just come out of seeing one of my favourite poets ever (Rudy Francisco - look him up the guys a genius) and had walked a few yards down the street. Typical me I was talking about a pizza offer that was up in a shop window to my friend when I felt a hand on my arm. At first I thought it was my friend but the grip was too strong and staying put too long. I turned around to see a man holding onto me as if I was his prized procession telling me I’m pretty. I lost it. I shouted ‘stop fucking touching me’ and he let go just after the grip got tighter. He slurred some bullshit at me I couldn’t understand for me to respond ‘don’t fucking touch me’ and this may come as a surprise to you (sense the sarcastic tone guys and gals) this dude then had the audacity to shout ‘fuck you! You’re not pretty anyway’ and continue to shout abuse at me as he walked down the street. 

Want to know one of the things I got asked after I posted about this on my Instagram that got to me the most? “What were you wearing?”

“What were you wearing?” - HA. Now that really is a fucking joke.

The fact people think my clothes define who can lay their hands on me. The fact they asked this before they asked if I was okay. The fact people genuinely believe certain attire attracts this kind of unwanted attention. That the blame has already been shifted to me. That the guilt starts to set in. What am I even feeling guilty for? That men find this funny. That men tell me I wouldn’t feel this way if I was attracted to him. That I should be flattered I even get attention and compliments. 

Next time you’re with a female in your life whether that be a friend, mum, sister, girlfriend, someone you’ve been dating a while.. bring up this topic. Bring it up and watch how every single one of them will have at least several stories to tell. Several stories that will make you angry, make you hate the world but also think about this... how do you act around women? How do you speak to them? Do you grab someone’s ass on a night out just because you want to? Trust me, it happens. Do you tell a girl she’s a slag just because she doesn’t want to fuck you? Trust me, that happens too. 

And my biggest piece of advice? Listen to when a woman talks to you about something like this and take it seriously for once in your fucking lives.

Until next time...

Elle x




Monday, 29 January 2018

Gratitude

Okay. So, I may have accidentally on purpose skipped last Monday’s blog post but what is a girl to do when she has writer’s block and wants nothing but sleep (and to watch constant reruns of Friends)? 

We live in a world whereby negativity is so easy to come by and if you allow it, it can consume each and every inch of that beautiful brain and body of yours. That is why, for today’s blog post I am going to list 5 things I am grateful for that have happened in the past week. No matter how little something may be, gratitude equals positivity which can only produce happiness and fulfilment in your life. No one likes a Mardy Bum so let’s crack on...

1. In the past week I left my crappy old gym (sorry totally not sorry) and joined a new one within yards of my workplace. I got that dreaded gym anxiety back going into a new, unfamiliar place but I am beyond grateful for my friends Becky and Lauren who have got my ass in the gym with them and have given me all the support and positivity I have needed. It has been amazing to have gym buddies (who are very motivational and hot af just for the record) for once and the girls may not know it but I am so grateful to have them in my lives as they are both full of energy and positivity... just what I need!

2. I am so grateful for my boyfriend who has given me nothing but love and a tonne of support this week (not that that’s out of the ordinary) and having those words of encouragement can make all the difference. I ended my week the best way possible by spending time with him and eating our body weight in Five Guys and Creams. He also puts up with my constant spamming of memes and tagging him in countless Facebook videos so he deserves a shoutout just for that alone really...

3. Good hair days. I know most of you are thinking ‘really?!’ But when you look good, you feel good and it’s all thanks to my fab little five pound curlers I got from Boots a couple weeks back. For me, if I make the effort to look good I always feel a million times more confident and a lot happier. 

4. My work friends. You tend to spend a minimum of 40 hours a week with your colleagues and it would suck if they’re all bitches but luckily mine are amazing. Whether we are gossiping about what we got up to at the weekend, mimicking the rude woman we just served, talking about dogs or debating matters of the world, there is never a dull moment with each of those girls having their own little quirks and great qualities they bring to the day and it’s safe to say they make work a whole lot better.

5. My bed. Netflix. Oh, and my bed once more. It may sound silly but we take everyday things for granted all the time when in matter of fact if you have a big cosy bed to crawl into after a long day and Netflix offering you thousands of shows and films to watch as you drift off to sleep then you are a very lucky individual. Getting all cosy in bed and watching Netflix is my down time and I love it. It’s my time to completely switch off from the world and chill and when you’ve been at the gym before the sun rises and working all day, it’s the perfect way to relax in the evening.

So, there we have it. My 5 things I am grateful for this week. There is a tonne of other things that I’m grateful for, of course, but these are the main 5 that have made my week that extra bit special and a lot better. It doesn’t matter how big or small something may seem, you can still show gratitude. Whatever you give out into the Universe, the Universe will give back to you. Send out positivity, kindness, love and gratitude. Think about 5 things you are grateful for for this past week, make note of all the good things, forget the bad and watch how your world changes.

Until next time...

Elle x

Monday, 15 January 2018

Fenty Beauty | is it really worth the hype?

If you haven’t heard of Fenty Beauty by now then clearly you’ve been living under a rock. Fenty, owned and created by Rihanna, was officially launched on 9th July 2017. The first drop of products included foundations, concealers, highlighters, lipglosses and makeup brushes to name a few. 

Of course, being the big makeup junkie I am, I had to buy her most talked about product being the Pro Filt’r Soft Matte Foundation. Rihanna didn’t disappoint her fans by coming out with 40 shades of foundation in her first drop creating an all inclusive brand which everyone went crazy for. The biggest downfall, in my opinion, if having Fenty Beauty exclusive to Harvey Nichols in the UK with a flat rate standard delivery of £6 and not-so-easy store to get to in central London where you apparently have to queue and have a consultation before buying, it’s not the easiest brand to get ahold of. However, I still took the bullet and ordered. 

After several Google searches for swatches I finally settled for the shade 110. The Pro Filt’r Foundation is described as ‘soft matte’ and ‘longwear’ with a ‘buildable medium to full coverage’. It claims to give skin an ‘instantly smooth, pore-diffused, shine-free finish’. Time to put it to the test.

The packaging is beautiful and I feel it reflects Rihanna well as a brand with the bottle looking and feeling luxurious. The product itself wasn’t what I expecting. I wouldn’t say the Pro Filt’r Foundation is full coverage at all and I really struggled to get it to one. The colour was an exact match however oxidised so much throughout the day it looked patchy, orange and cakey. I certainly didn’t have an instantly smoothed, pore-diffused look as described. True to the blogger-sphere word it is an incredibly quick drying foundation making it hard to blend and meaning, for me, application was rushed. And trust me, when you’ve got your music blaring and rollers in, you don’t want to be rushed!

Next comes the Lip Stunna Lip Paint I purchased. Rihanna’s first liquid lipstick and it had to be red. Everyone knows no one can rock a red lip quite like RiRi but what’s the harm in giving it a go, right? Once again, the packaging is absolutely beautiful, feeling and looking luxurious. The longwear fluid lip colour looked as stunning on the lips as it did in the bottle with the wand being the perfect shape and size for smooth, perfect application. It certainly lives up to its 12 hour wear claim as it was a bugger to get off but I can live with that if I’m able to have a flawless red lip all day that doesn’t even budge whilst shoving a sandwich in your mouth on your lunch break. My lips did feel slightly dry after wearing this but I think that’s more of a ‘me issue’ than anything else and nothing a bit of Carmex beforehand won’t fix. 

After putting both products to the test, it has to be said that I unfortunately won’t be wearing the foundation again. I’ve heard many mixed reviews with plenty of people loving it but it wasn’t for me. I will be sticking to my LancĂ´me Teint Idole Ultra Wear which is my long standing holy grail! I think the Pro Filt’r Foundation would be perfect for makeup looks for YouTube tutorials/Instagram makeup pictures but for me, it just isn’t quite right for everyday use. On the other hand, the Lip Stunna Lip Paint is certainly one I often pick up when I’m feeling a red lip and I couldn’t recommend enough, and who knows, the foundation may not have worked for me but it could be perfect for you.

Until Rihanna branches her brand out into other stores that don’t charge an extortionate amount for delivery, it’s safe to say I won’t be trying her products again anytime soon... even if that Killerwatt highlighter does look brighter than my future...

Comment below if you’ve tried Rihanna’s Fenty Beauty range and what you thought of it and head on over to my Instagram @ellendavisx to see pics of the products and swatches!

Until next time...

Elle x 

Monday, 8 January 2018

5 Tips For Smashing Your New Year’s Resolutions

Rise and shine guys and gals. It’s 6am, it’s a Monday and it’s time to get up and smash the week ahead!

Side note: How bloody satisfying was it starting 2018 on a Monday?! I can’t be the only slightly OCD freak that finds that incredibly pleasing. 

In my first post of 2018 (yay for me posting on the first day of the year - one goal in progress) I spoke about having goals and resolutions in order to improve, enrich and better our lives. I, myself, began listing many goals and resolutions I want to achieve in 2018 and there’s certainly more to add to the list however it’s important to not get carried away and get ahead of ourselves. Of course, every single person on this planet wants to achieve many things in 2018 but often people put immence pressure on themselves to start ticking off goals within the first week of the year and realistically, that is never going to happen. 

Here are my 5 top tips to help you stay on track and smash your 2018 goals...

1. Grab yourself a notebook, a scrap bit of paper, the notes section in your phone or whatever the hell works for you and write down every damn thing you want to achieve this year. Now you need to go through that list and rank everything from the most important to the least important. For example: Learning to drive could be number 1 on the list and drinking 3 litres of water a day could rank number 5. This isn’t to say the lower ranking goals on the list don’t matter at all but it’s crucial to know what will really enhance your life in the best way possible and allowing you to focus more on the important things in order to understand how much time/effort/work will go into achieving those said goals and knowing that the lesser important goals still matter to you but it’s not going to be a life or death situation if you don’t achieve them. Therefore, allowing you to focus on 2 or 3 major goals this year. 

2. Once you have taken the time to understand what goals you want to achieve and what major ones you want to focus on it’s now time to start viewing those goals in a smart, positive way. Let’s use diet and exercise as an example here. How demotivating and draining is it when you hear people constantly moan about ‘being fat’ or ‘not looking like XYZ celebrity’? We’ve all been guilty of it at times but it’s bloody boring to listen to and that’s exactly how your goals will sound if all you write down is ‘I will diet’, ‘I will not eat junk food’. Zzzz BORING. You can change this to being a smart and positive goal by saying ‘I will look and feel amazing by losing 5 pounds and will do this by going to the gym 4 times a week and eating wholesome, healthy foods Mon-Fri whilst allowing to treat myself on the weekends’. See how much better that sounds? How much more motivating it is? Now do this for every goal you have written down particularly your 2-3 (or more) major goals.

3. Understand that life gets in the way. Due to you writing down all your goals, ranking them and making them smart and positive, you think that everything will go smooth sailing and you’ll hit those goals in no time, right? Wrong. There’s no telling what tomorrow will bring and you should remember that sometimes life really does just get in the way and things may have to be delayed and deadlines may not be met but that’s life, you can’t change that and you shouldn’t try to. If something crops up and it’s more important or you need to spend more time with a partner or maybe your car broke so you need to spend 500 quid on that rather than a few weekends out then do so. One day, one week, one month of not pursuing a goal won’t matter that much in the long run, trust me, somethings in life just have to take a priority.

4. Following on from my point above about life getting in the way, learn to not put so much pressure on yourself. If you burn the candle at both ends you won’t get anywhere in life. It’s much more beneficial to take things slowly and tick off one goal at a time and do so properly and effectively rather than burning yourself out and ultimately failing at the first hurdle and not achieving any goals at all. Remember, we still have 50 weeks left of the year, you’ve got time.

5. Share and celebrate your successes! Sing and shout (quite literally if that’s your thang) about every little thing you achieve. It’s essential to praise and reward yourself when you hit those goals. Who gives a toss if people get annoyed at your million and one gym pictures on Instagram? Who really cares if people don’t like how much you promote your passion and business on Facebook? This is your life, live it for you and for no one else. Those people know where the unfollow and unfriend button is. Don’t let anymore rain on your parade and share your successes far and wide at every chance you get! 

Be yourself, be unapologetically you, be positive, be happy and be encouraging towards others too and everything you want to achieve will come your way. Whatever you give out into the Universe, the Universe will give back to you. Good luck in smashing your 2018 goals, I hope my 5 top tips helped!

Until next time...

Elle x